A Life Unlived
by SmallTownRebel
Summary: Khyana's story after Kelria's Story. Follows Khyana's life after the death of her friends. Will include some French, with translations.
1. Prologue

_**Disclaimer:** If you recognise it, it's JK's. If you don't, it's mine. This story is mostly mine..._

_Hey all, welcome to the third and final installment in the Kelria/Khyana trilogy! This story will follow Khyana in the years following Kelria's death...etc. I know, the ending of the last one was sad, I cried writing it, my sister cried reading it...and Kelria's sister cried too haha. Kel was expecting it, so I don't know that she'll cry. Oh yeah, if you haven't read _The Seventh Year_ and _Kelria's Story _you might want to do that before reading this one or you might be confused..._

**Prologue: What I've Lost**

_If you had known me when I was a young child, you would never believe that I was the same person. I suppose we're all changed by circumstances in our lives, and in my life, circumstance has certainly not been kind to me. I will not go into details here, but since the Christmas that I was seventeen, my life has changed drastically. If you spoke to someone who knew me when I was younger than that, they would tell you that I was a proper pureblood girl, Sorted into Slytherin, a little headstrong and stubborn, but a good girl. I hated that. _A good girl_. Was that all I would ever be? If you'd known me then, you would have said yes. But now…now, I don't know what you would say._

_I digress. This story is not about a good girl. It is not even about a girl. It is about a young woman…one who grew old long before her time. I was old before I was twenty-one. And all I have are my memories, which will haunt me forever more. Could I have done more? Would I still have my Sara? My Kel? My Sirius? Oh, my Sirius, my love. _

_The twins are crying. I suppose I should go get them. I don't really want to move; I haven't had much desire to do anything since my husband died. Oh, my Alex…fate has surely frowned upon me; my love is gone and my husband is dead._

_But perhaps you do not want to know about how sad I am…not yet. It will come with the rest of the story; because it _is_ the story…this story is about my pain. And I pass it onto you, so that when I am gone, my life will not have been in vain, all my fighting, all my efforts…Voldemort is gone now, but he may come back…and Harry is gone. I asked for Harry, begged for the child, but Dumbledore said no. _

_The story. My name is Sara Khyana Alayan Malfoy-Renaud, and this…this is my story._


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Nightmares**

_The Death Eaters close in slowly. The small house is a well-known one, to Order members and Death Eaters alike. It is the home of Kelria Song, one of the top Ministry Aurors and a key member of the Order of the Phoenix. Death Eater spies have been watching the house for weeks, waiting for the perfect time to strike, unbeknownst to the Order members. Kelria is home alone tonight, Devil's Night. She is to be married in the morning, but she will never wear the dress, never walk the aisle. She is working on a big assignment for the Ministry, and her research has taken her too far. She's in too deep…she knows too much. Enough to put the entire Death Eater group in Azkaban for life. Of course, the rest of her little gang know as much as she does, but she will be the first to die. _

_The house is dark, so it is not difficult for the three hooded and masked figures to approach without being seen. Kelria is asleep already, unaware of the danger she is in. The female Death Eater stifles the urge to cackle. She is in a bloodthirsty rage, and she is excited. Too excited._

"_Bella, hush," her husband hisses. _

_She shoots him a glare he cannot see behind her mask, and the three move closer to the house. As they approach the door, they knock, as they were instructed to. Kelria comes to the door in her nightgown, looking sleepy and confused._

"_Hello, dear."_

_There is a green flash, a loud scream, and the Death Eaters' work is done. They disappear into the night, the woman finally allowing herself a loud cackle._

* * *

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" 

Far away, in France, I woke, sobbing and drenched in sweat. I reached for the bottle of water I always kept on my bedside table and took a deep drink.

I breathed deeply, stood, turned on a light and began to pace. It was the same nightmare I'd been having for the past three months, ever since Kelria died. Of course, I couldn't be entirely sure that's what had actually happened, since no one had seen what had happened. However, I knew one thing for sure: the identity of Kelria's killers.

Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange and Lucius Malfoy were the only three Death Eaters who had been prowling that night. The prowling had been expected; Kelria's death had not.

I sat back on the edge of my bed, hating myself, as I had done for the past three months. I couldn't believe I had let Kelria die…and then Lily and James. Then Sirius had been arrested, Peter had died, and Alice and Frank had been tortured into insanity. And I had survived. After all that, I had survived. Just me and Remus. And then I had deserted him.

The day after Kelria had been murdered, Lily and James had also died, at the hand of Lord Voldemort himself. I knew somehow that Sirius was innocent, but he wasn't even given a fair trial. No trial at all, for that matter. Two weeks later, Alice and Frank had been tortured, and sent to St. Mungo's. Two orphans in two weeks…and nothing I could do. I begged Dumbledore to be able to take Harry, take him out of the country for a little, raise him myself, as a favour to Lily. But Dumbledore had been adamant: Harry was going to Petunia's. Oh, when I think about it…Lily must have been turning over in her grave.

Remus and I were the only ones from our little group left. And I knew I had to get out. They wanted the Order, yes, but they also wanted my auror squad, and most importantly, they wanted me. They'd wanted me for ages. Five years. And I'd eluded them all five. And I knew I had to continue eluding them.

I knew there had to have been a reason I'd taken that French course at the muggle university. I got out of the country, came to France, and applied for a job as an auror at their Ministry. Remus said he understood, but I still felt horrible leaving him. He's all alone now. As I am all alone.

* * *

"_Bonjour_, Mallory." 

When I fled from England, I knew Khyana was no longer a safe name to use. It was not a common name in France, so I took on a name that would be harder for the Death Eaters to trace: Mallory Boulanger. Very fitting, I thought, as Mallory means, "Ill-Omened."

I nodded at my contact from the French Ministry. Alexandre Renaud fit his station well. He was one of the top aurors in the country, as well as speaking fifteen different languages, including English, Gaelic, Mermish and Gobledegook. He had been sent to meet me when I had informed the French Ministry that I wanted a job, and we had been speaking for about a week.

The small French pub, very similar to the Leaky Cauldron in London, was fairly empty at 9:00 in the morning, and we two had a very private booth near the back of the room.

"_J'ai été faire un peu de recherche depuis notre rendezvous passé_," Alex began, but I cut him off.

"_Desolée_, Alex, but could we speak in English? I'm not totally used to speaking in French all the time, and it would ensure better that people wouldn't be able to understand us."

Alex nodded. "Of course. I've been doing a bit of research since our last meeting, and the British Ministry has no record of your ever working there," he raised an eyebrow, "Nor does their Auror School have any record of you ever attending there. Care to explain?"

I sighed. I had known this day would come, sooner or later…but I had hoped it would be later, rather than sooner.

"For your safety and mine, I will not tell you who I really am. But you are correct, my name is not really Mallory Boulanger. There is a man in England who is trying to kill me. I am officially dead, but people are still looking for me. If I tell you who I am and they discover I am with you, they will torture and kill you to find me. You will also be obligated to turn me in, which can only be bad. So for now, I am Mallory Boulanger."

Alex nodded. "Very well. That's all you're going to say for now?"

I nodded. "Yes. I can't place you in danger."

Alex nodded once, decisively. "So the question is, how are we going to get you a job without our Ministry here discovering who you really are?"

I shrugged. "Isn't that your department?"

Alex laughed. "Yes, that it certainly is. And I know just the person to do it for us. Totally trustworthy, and she won't ask questions."

We both stood and left the pub, heading toward the French Ministry of Magic. Little did I know, I was about to begin a new job, and make a new friend.

* * *

When we reached the Ministry, Alex took me to a part tucked into a small hallway. When he opened the door, I was shocked. The room inside was massive. 

"Merlin and Salazar…" I said quietly.

Alex nodded, a small smile on his face. "_C'est brillant, n'est pas_?"

I nodded. "That it certainly is."

Alex led me through the room to a corner at the back, where a blonde woman was sitting in front of a very complex-looking code.

"Morning, McKenna."

The woman jumped, then smiled at Alex.

"Morning, Alex."

"Tough one today?"

"Oh, very. I'm telling you, these muggles…they're going to catch up with us soon."

Alex laughed. "You've been saying that since you started here five years ago, McKenna."

McKenna acknowledged his comment with a cock of her head. "Perhaps. But I still say it's true."

Alex shook his head and rolled his eyes at me.

"McKenna, this is Mallory Boulanger. Mallory, this is McKenna Carmichael."

"Pleased to meet you," McKenna said, smiling and holding out her hand to be shaken.

"Pleasure's mine," I replied.

"What can I do for you?" McKenna asked, shooting her code a furtive glance.

I got the idea that she was a very busy woman and wanted to be left to her decoding, but Alex seemed to miss that memo, and went full steam ahead.

"Mallory wants a job here."

"O…K," McKenna said, clearly confused.

"I need you to fudge some files."

McKenna got a mischievous gleam in her eyes. "I see. What do you need done?"

"I need you to invent a file for Mallory at the British Ministry."

"Okay. I'll need some information about you, Mallory."

I was startled. I had thought she'd have just made something up…luckily I had a story all concocted. Remus had advised that. I felt a pang, thinking about Remus, but I quickly subdued it. This was a time for quick thinking, not missing friends.

"My father, who was French, died when I was a baby. My mum took me to England then and raised me with the help of her parents. I went to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for all seven years. I was in Gryffindor House. I went to the Auror School in England, graduated with flying colours, and was an auror for the British Ministry for a year and a half."

"Why'd you leave?"

"My life was in danger."

McKenna looked about to ask a question, but then decided against it and quickly wrote down all the information I had given.

"Alright. I should have a file done up for you by this afternoon."

"Thank you, McKenna," Alex said, and then quickly led me out of the large room.

"What just happened?" I asked.

Alex laughed. "You're not the first person I've dealt with who was in your situation. McKenna's been around since I started working here, and she's the best of the best. She doesn't ask questions; she realises that you're not really Mallory Boulanger, and that the story you made up is not true. But she won't ask questions, and she won't tell anyone the truth."

"That's convenient," I said.

Alex smiled. "Yes, it is that. Now come. Until McKenna gets done with your file, there's nothing for it but to take you and show you around the city."

I was surprised. I had thought he would want to show me around the Ministry, so that when I started I would know where I was going and what I needed to do. But upon further reflection, I realised that that would probably be more than a little odd, and Alex was not a stupid man.

I also realised with a start just then that the entire conversation with McKenna had been in English.

"Why did we speak to McKenna in English?" I asked Alex as we left the building.

He grinned. "She doesn't understand a word of French. She only works here because the Scottish Ministry won't have her, and this was the first Ministry that accepted her. She has to use a translator to communicate with anyone else here."

I didn't reply. What was there to say to that? Alex smiled at me and offered his arm. I took it, and he led me out of the Ministry building into the blinding sunlight of Paris.

* * *

**A/N:**_ There you go, everyone. I wanted to post this last night, but my computer was being stupid and my sis wanted on and I had originally had Yana's name different and I hadn't changed it...etc etc. So here it is now. Hope you enjoy!_


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: A New Squad**

I was not eager to see Paris, but I could not tell this to Alex. It had been just over a year since I had last been here, the night Sirius had proposed to me. I fought the tears threatening to fall, mentally berating myself. Malfoys do not show emotion like that, especially in public.

Suddenly, it was all too much. I had to be alone. I needed time to think.

"Alex, I don't feel so good. I think I just want to go home and lie down."

Alex looked concerned, but he nodded. "Alright. If you're sure."

I nodded. "I am."

"Alright. Well, I will contact you when McKenna has your file finished."

I nodded. "I'll look forward to it."

With a small nod, I spun on my heel and walked away from him. I needed someplace private where I could apparate home. I found it in a dark back alley, and spun on the spot, immediately reappearing in my posh Paris flat.

I sighed and threw my bag down on the couch.

"AARRGH!"

My angry cry echoed through the flat and I threw myself down on the couch and sobbed. I hated being a Malfoy. I hated it! I hated my flat at that moment, too. It was posh, it was trendy, and I hated it. It was a reflection of everything I had decided to leave behind when I'd left home at sixteen. And it caused me to think, What am I doing here? Sirius didn't have the luxury of a posh flat downtown Paris. Remus was living in a tiny house, hiding from the Death Eaters still at large. Kelria and the Potters were dead; they didn't even have the luxury of _living_, let alone in a posh flat. And the Longbottoms…my friend and her husband were in a hospital room in St. Mungo's, insane. They couldn't live normal lives. They didn't know their own son, their best friends, or each other. I lay on my stomach, clutching the teddy bear Sirius had given me when I was in hospital, and sobbed for my friends, dead and alive, and for myself, and what I'd lost.

* * *

I fell asleep on my couch and woke up about 2 am, unable to get back to sleep, so I found another way to occupy my time: I made myself a cup of tea and sat down at my kitchen table to think.

I forced myself to plough through my pain and think through the past three months.

It had begun the day after Kelria had died. My wedding had been called off, out of respect for my best friend, who was supposed to have a double wedding with me. The night that should have been my wedding night instead turned out to be the worst night of my life. The whole day was terrible. I lost two of my best friends within 24 hours of each other, then my fiancé was arrested. I didn't know why at the time, but when I found out, I couldn't believe it. My Sirius would never betray his friends like that. It had not looked good for him, though, and even I had to admit he didn't have much of a defence.

I thought about all the people I had lost in the past few years. Sara had been the first, but it didn't get any easier after that. Losing all my friends was the hardest thing I had ever had to face. I had no one left in the whole world except Remus. I had to start from scratch here in France if I wanted to survive.

I remembered something my father always used to say: there is nothing more dangerous than an enemy who has nothing to lose. I had become such an enemy. I had nothing left to lose, except Remus, but I had taken him from myself already.

* * *

The next morning, there was a message waiting for me on my kitchen table. The window above the table was open, and I assumed the owl that had delivered the message had come in through there. I opened the parchment slowly, reading the words cautiously.

_Mallory,_

_McKenna has finished your file. I will meet you today at nine o'clock at the entrance to the French Ministry of Magic. Be prepared to start work immediately. _

_Sincerely,_

_Alexandre Renaud_.

I nodded once and looked at the clock. It was eight o'clock, which meant I had one hour to get ready and meet Alex at the entrance to the Ministry.

I hurried into the washroom, had a quick shower, did my hair, ate a quick breakfast, grabbed my purse (which had fake documents made by Remus before I left England), spun on the spot and apparated to the Ministry.

When I arrived, I found Alex waiting for me at the door, just like he'd said he would be.

"Good morning, Mallory," he said, grinning widely.

"Hello, Alex," I replied. I did not smile.

His smile faltered at the lack of emotion in my voice and on my face, and he turned quickly, leading me into the large building.

The auror department was on the fifth floor, and Alex led me to the lift with strong, confident strides. My breath caught in my throat. I hated lifts.

I held my breath and willed myself not to be sick as the lift moved upwards, taking us closer to my new life with every passing floor.

* * *

"Mallory, I'd like you to meet your new squad," Alex said cheerfully, indicating the people surrounding me in the corridor. "People, this is Mallory Boulanger. She's your new squad member."

The faces of the new people passed in blurs. I was still feeling nauseous from the lift ride.

"Hi!"

I turned to see a cheerful brunette smiling at me with teeth so straight she must have had something done to them when she was younger.

"Hi," I replied quietly.

"My name's Alsatia, I'm the squad leader. This is Genviève LaRoche, Jean-Michel Forgeron, Claude Pouvoir, Gabrielle Sonier, Philippe Thiery, Loganne de Chalon and Leanndra Archambeault."

I nodded at each individual as they were introduced, but I did not retain many names.

Alsatia laughed at the blank look on my face. "You don't have to remember everyone's names right away. You'll learn in time, I'm sure."

I gazed at her blankly. Maybe I would. And maybe I wouldn't. I had no desire, really, to get to know any of these people to any extent. Anyone I got close to tended to die, so I decided that for their own health, safety, and life, these people should stay as far away from me as possible.

* * *

I returned to my flat that night feeling somewhat happier than I had in the previous three months. I had a purpose again, something to do with my life other than mope and be miserable.

I sat down at my table, grabbed a quill, ink pot and piece of parchment, and composed a letter to my only remaining friend.

_My dearest friend,_

_I have found myself a job here finally. I believe I told you about my contact at the Ministry here, Alex Renaud? He got me a job in the auror department. He also got me a whole new file, based on my new identity, and the girl who does them asks no questions. I have a new squad now…I don't know all their names yet, and they're nothing like my old squad. They seem to get along okay, but don't seem to really trust each other like we did. I think they were kind of thrown together when they got here and don't have as much history. Most of them seem really young; I think they're only a year or so out of Auror School. Maybe not even that. All the members of my old squad grew up together, went to school together, married each other. This is a motlier crew, seeming to have been forced to work together, get to know and trust each other as they go. I don't think I'll have any problems fitting in, since they all seem to just be finding their niches with each other. As far as I know, their first loss was the girl I'm replacing, Celeste __Beaubois, who was killed several months ago. They don't seem to have been affected much by her loss._

_I must say, Remus, that this group of people seem friendly enough on the surface and are certainly civil toward each other, but they are not confidantes of each other, which, I am certain, will some day be their downfall. I do not know what I think of them. Their leader, Alsatia, seems intelligent enough, but I'm not sure about her leadership abilities, nor her abilities to trust her squad. James trusted his group completely. I am sure this is one of the many reasons he made such an amazing squad leader._

_However, I am not one to judge them this early in the relationship. I have no right or grounds to do so; I do not know them well enough. I will say this, however: I'm not sure how much I trust them. Certainly no more than they trust each other. It is certainly difficult to be the new person in the group. I've never really done that before. And it is even harder when the distrust between them is so thick I could cut it with scissors. _

_I will leave it there, Remus, I do not wish to depress you. I shall keep you informed of what goes on here, as I hope you will do with news from home. Remember to keep an eye on Harry, right? I feel so sorry for the poor dear._

_I am rambling. I never ramble. What's wrong with me, Remus? Have I changed so much in the past three months that I don't even know myself? I guess I really have. It's a scary thought, my friend. I now need to get to know myself as well as these strange Frenchmen. I do not at all like the prospect._

_At any rate, I said two paragraphs ago that I would leave it there, so now I really am done. I hope to hear from you very soon. And remember, Ryker is not a pleasant bird. He bites._

_Love_

_Yana_

_I mean Mallory. If you send me letters, label them Mallory please. I need to get used to hearing and seeing and signing that._

_Love_

_Mallory._

I let my owl out of his cage and sent him off into the night, the letter clutched tightly in his beak. After he had disappeared from view, I hurried to my room, lay down on my bed, and promptly fell asleep.

* * *

**A/N:** _There you go, a nice quick update for you. Don't get too used to it, it's not likely to happen often. This one was already half done. Anyway, hope you enjoy, R&R!_


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Stories of Betrayal**

The mistrust between my new squad became much clearer in the coming weeks. They tried their best to hide it, but it was agonisingly clear. Alsatia put on a happy face for me, but when she thought I wasn't looking, she was sad and quiet, shooting furtive, suspicious glances at her team members.

Finally, when I could stand it no longer, I confronted Alex about it.

He frowned when I mentioned it. "Are you sure, Mallory?"

I nodded. "Absolutely. Is there something about Celeste's death I should know about, Alex?" I asked suspiciously.

He sighed. "I suppose you're working with them now, you have a right to know what's gone on. It'll take a while, though. When do you have lunch?"

"Right now," I lied. My lunch break didn't actually begin for another hour, but I figured if I was back in the allotted time, I shouldn't get in too much trouble. Besides, I was a pro at making up believable stories. It came from years of being a Slytherin with all Gryffindor friends.

"Excellent. Join me?"

Alex offered me his arm, which I ignored and walked toward the lift. He laughed and followed me. I didn't find it amusing at all; I knew he meant it as a friendly gesture, but so soon after losing Sirius, it didn't strike me as humorous.

We went to the small restaurant on the main floor of the Ministry, a popular place for most employees to take their lunch breaks. It was virtually empty, seeing as the usual lunch hour (for those who took usual lunch breaks) didn't begin for another hour.

We were seated at a window table, which made me happy. I didn't like feeling enclosed, and I was extremely claustrophobic.

"Can I get you something to drink to begin?" the waitress asked, shooting Alex a flirtatious smile.

Alex smiled in a businesslike way, and said, "I'm ready to order, actually. Mallory?"

"I'm not hungry," I replied promptly.

Alex frowned, but accepted my answer and ordered a hamburger and fries.

"What are you frowning about?" I demanded.

"Did you eat breakfast this morning?"

I raised an eyebrow. "I don't see how that is any of your business, M. Renaud."

"Perhaps not," Alex allowed with a graceful nod of his head. "I was merely wondering."

"Well don't bother. I can look after myself, you know."

Alex frowned again. "I suppose so…"

I was as unsure as Alex, to be perfectly honest. I _hadn't_ eaten anything that morning; I could not, in fact, remember the last time I had eaten. Probably the previous morning at breakfast. I shook my head once, firmly, and changed the subject.

"You were going to tell me about my new squad."

"Yes, I was, wasn't I?" Alex agreed. "What would you like to know?"

"Why don't they trust each other?"

Alex sighed. "I don't know exactly, but I can take an educated guess."

"Then please do," I replied shortly.

Alex nodded. "Very well. You know, I'm sure, about Celeste?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"She was killed in the field three months ago. Loganne Beaubois is the reason she is dead."

"Who is Loganne Beaubois?" I asked.

"He was a member of the squad also. He betrayed Celeste to their enemies."

"He had the same last name as her. Coincidence?"

Alex shook his head. "They were married."

I raised an eyebrow. "They were married and he betrayed her?"

Alex nodded. "Loganne de Chalon, the one you know, was Celeste's twin brother. He has vowed revenge on Beaubois."

I shook my head. "That's terrible."

Alex nodded again. "I know."

"So I assume they don't trust each other because they're afraid they're going to lose another member?"

Alex shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine."

The waitress arrived with Alex's food just then, and after she had left, I raised another question.

"Okay, now I have some general questions. How long have they been out of Auror School?"

"8 months," Alex replied.

I stared at him. "That's all?"

Alex nodded. "Were you expecting longer?"

I nodded. "I've been out of school for a year and 8 months, Alex."

Alex frowned. "So?"

I sighed. "I was hoping to work with some people more…experienced."

"This was the only squad with an opening. Perhaps you can teach this group something."

"Perhaps," I agreed glumly.

"Any other questions?"

"Yeah. How well did they know each other before they went to Auror School?"

"They didn't know each other at all until they were put on this squad together."

I frowned. "How did that work?"

Alex shrugged. "Well, Loganne, Loganne and Celeste obviously knew each other, but Alsatia is pretty anti-social for the most part. The other three girls, Leanndra, Gabby and Genviève were friends, but Philippe, Claude and Jean-Michel have had no contact with anyone else in the group; they came individually."

"But how does that work? They obviously went to Beauxbatons together, and Auror School, so how did they not even know each other?"

Alex sighed. "They did all go to Beauxbatons, but not all of them were in the same year. A couple of them waited a year before applying to Auror School."

"Are you allowed to do that?" I asked.

Alex nodded. "Of course. If you don't feel ready right out of Beauxbatons, you're more than welcome to wait a year or so before applying."

"Huh," I said, surprised. "I don't know that you're allowed to do that in England. I've never heard of anyone doing it, anyway."

Alex took a big bite of his hamburger, leaving me to contemplate what he had said. It certainly explained some things…

* * *

Leanndra and Gabby approached my cubicle after I returned from my lunch with Alex, looking giggly and excited about something.

I looked up at them with raised eyebrows. "Can I help you?"

"We just saw you come back from somewhere with Alex Renaud," Gabby began.

"_Total_ dreamboat," Leanndra added.

I barely refrained from rolling my eyes. These two had certainly not waited a year before applying to Auror School.

"We had lunch," I replied casually. "It was an impromptu thing. He got me this job, after all. We still talk sometimes."

The two girls looked excited.

"Really?" Leanndra gushed. "That's _so_ cool!"

"Get lost, morons, leave Mallory alone," another, more cynical voice said from the other side of the cubicle wall.

Genviève LaRoche appeared, looking disgusted, and Leanndra and Gabby looked offended.

"That's not very nice, Genviève," Gabby pouted.

Genviève rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well. Mallory doesn't want to hear you two gush about Renaud. She's made it quite clear that they're friends, so why don't you just leave the poor girl alone? You two are _so_ annoying!"

Leanndra and Gabby left with downcast eyes, and Genviève turned to me.

"Sorry about that. They're not usually like that; they just get excited about Alex. I guess I can understand it; he _is_ one of the top aurors in the ministry. But really, I don't understand why they're so excited. At any rate, you don't care. If they ever annoy you again, just send them to me, I'll take care of them."

Genviève shot me a smile, then left, leaving me feeling quite confused.

* * *

That night I sat at my table, thinking about what Alex had told me. I knew how the rest of my squad was feeling. I had lost good friends too because of betrayal. A tear leaked out of my eye as I thought about it. Lily and James…I shook my head angrily. I couldn't--wouldn't--believe that Sirius had done it. Even though all the evidence was against him, I wouldn't believe it.

Remus would think me a right fool for saying it, I knew, but I didn't care. Sirius hadn't done it. Somehow, something had gone wrong and Sirius had been framed.

Ryker flew in the window, a letter tied to his leg. Poor Remus. He probably had bite marks all over his arm now; Ryker hates having letters tied to him. He prefers to carry them in his beak. I almost smiled. Almost.

_Khyana,_

_Sorry, try that again. _

_Mallory,_

_I am glad to hear you have found a job in France. It's certainly safer for you there than here. The Death Eaters are still looking for you, though unofficially. And no, before you ask, Lucius is not in Azkaban. He was one of the first to say he had been Imperiused and that the Dark Lord had used him. He has let on that he is very repentant and wants to make things right with you. There is, therefore, an official search out for you. I have kept my mouth shut, keeping myself as far out of this whole thing as possible. _

_Bellatrix, Rodolphus, and Rabastan Lestrange have been imprisoned, though, for Alice and Frank's torture, along with Barty Crouch Jr. Crouch had no problem sending his own son to prison, although his wife is distraught. I thought you might like to know they'd been caught. I don't know how much news you're actually receiving in France, whether you get the _Daily Prophet_ or not. _

_I've been checking up on Harry as often as I can, which means very rarely. His aunt and uncle barely let him out of the house, so I'm hard pressed to see him. I have snuck into the house a couple times to check on him. He looks very thin, Mal. I wonder if Petunia is feeding him properly. Her own son looks extremely well fed. He is very overweight, while Harry is painfully thin. Lily must be turning over in her grave._

_Oh, before I forget, you remember your informant, Lightfingers? When they searched the Lestrange manor, they found his body in the basement. I still can't believe we forgot him in Malfoy Manor. I feel terrible for him. But I suppose there's not really much that can be done for him now. He didn't show any signs of having been tortured, but I guess that doesn't really mean much._

_I have to go now, Mallory, my dinner is burning. _

_I remain your faithful friend forever,_

_Remus Lupin._

_

* * *

_

**A/N:**_ There you lot go. Hope you enjoyed. I'm going to try and include as many Remus-Khyana letters as possible, hopefully having one at the end of every chapter, at least every other. I hope. We'll have to see what happens. R&R_


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Trusting**

Over the following weeks and months, I tried to get my squad to do more activities together, to learn to trust each other. I was determined to get them to trust each other. They just didn't seem as determined as I was. Alsatia especially seemed very opposed to my methods. I think she thought I was trying to take over her rule. Which, in a way, I suppose I was.

* * *

"Well, do you trust _them_?"

I sighed. "How can I trust them when I've known them for two months, they've known each other for ten, and they can't even trust each other?! It's ridiculous, Alex, Alsatia is not a very good leader. She's too emotional."

Alex raised an eyebrow and suppressed a grin. "You think you could do better?"

I shrugged. "I never said that. I just said she needs to cool off."

Alex's grin stretched almost from ear to ear. "Mallory, do you know what you're asking? Alsatia _is_ emotion! That's all she is!"

I gaped. "Then how did she manage to become the squad leader?"

Alex shrugged. "She got voted in. She was also the only one who volunteered."

I shook my head. "That shouldn't happen."

Alex shrugged again. "They didn't know each other. Jean-Michel has good leadership qualities, but he didn't know anyone, and he would have lost against Alsatia if he'd volunteered anyway."

I shook my head again. "It shouldn't be that way, Alex. It shouldn't be a popularity contest."

Alex shrugged. "No, it shouldn't. But it is. And you can't do anything about it, Mallory."

* * *

On my way back up to my floor, I ran smack into a tall blonde going the opposite direction. We both fell to the floor with a crash, she dropping all the equipment she had been carrying.

"_Je suis très desolée_," I managed.

"I'm sorry?"

I smiled. "Yes, McKenna, I am sorry. I didn't recognise you, sorry. I said I'm sorry. For knocking you over."

McKenna laughed, whether as an acceptance of my apology or in response to my clumsy explanation, I don't know.

"Hello, Mallory, or whatever your real name is," she replied, a teasing smile on her face. "How are you adjusting to life in the French Ministry?"

I rolled my eyes. "It's alright."

"What squad were you assigned?"

"Alsatia Bouclier's," I replied, wrinkling my nose.

McKenna laughed. "That sounds like fun. How are you doing making new friends?"

I wrinkled my nose again. "Not so good. I just have Alex to talk to. And as good as he is to talk to, he's not…well, he's not a female."

McKenna nodded. "I know what you mean. Hey, I'm having a Girls' Night Out with a couple friends on Saturday. Would you be interested in joining us?"

I retreated slightly, a small fluttering in my stomach making me wonder if that was such a good idea. Then I shrugged. "Sure. Are you sure I wouldn't be intruding?"

"Not at all," McKenna scoffed. "They don't mind and neither do I. So we're good to go. I'll come by your place Saturday around 5, okay?"

I shrugged and nodded. "Sure, sounds good. How do you know where I live?"

McKenna gave me a sly grin. "I never reveal my sources, dear Mallory. So I'll see you Saturday at 5."

"Okay. See you then, I guess."

* * *

_Dear Remus,_

_I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to reply. I haven't even been very busy, so I can't use that as an excuse. I've been trying to get my squad leader to give me assignments, but she just gives me a look like I've got three heads or something and tells me to go back to my cubicle. So I'm stuck on paperwork detail. You know how much I hate paperwork, Remus, it's torture here! And the rest of the squad still do not trust each other, although I now know the reason why. One of their number killed his wife and fellow auror a few months before I got here. Some of them seem to get along just fine, but some of them are just plain annoying. And they don't spend time with each other, they smile stiffly at each other when they pass each other in the hallways, and go on their merry way. I've never yet seen them exchange more than two words at a time. Except Leanndra, Gabby and Geneviève, whose relationship I cannot figure out. Sometimes they are the best of friends, and other times they seem to be constantly at each others' throats!_

_At any rate, on a lighter note, I am going out on Saturday with McKenna (the girl who made up my file here) and some of her friends. She invited me today when I bumped into her in the hall. I'm not sure how I feel about it, although I know I am excited to get out of my flat. I hate it here, Remus._

_So, Lucius is telling everyone he's changed, is he? Well, he's lying. And if he finds me here, you know as well as I do that I will be dead within hours. So you are doing well to keep your nose out, and not get involved. It's what I would do if I were in your position. If you can without being too obvious, try to convince everyone that he's lying. I know that will be difficult and I don't want you to put yourself in danger trying to do it, but if the opportunity arises, go for it. _

_I'm sorry to hear about Lightfingers. I actually didn't mind him, for all he was Cam's informant. But I am glad to hear about the Lestranges and Crouch. Although, I am surprised that Crouch Sr. put him in jail so easily. His wife must be impossible to live with. I never really did get the impression that he loved his son, but he certainly loved his wife. I have been getting the _Prophet_ periodically, but there's never anything in there that I want to read when I do get it, so I usually just don't bother. So thank you for your news._

_If Petunia is underfeeding Harry, I'm going to hex her into next year. I _knew_ that was a bad idea! I should have insisted that Dumbledore let me take him. He would have been angry maybe, but Harry can't be any safer with those muggles than he would have been with me, even with my illness. It doesn't make sense to me. But I guess Dumbledore rarely makes sense, right? Don't get caught when you sneak in to see Harry. And be careful when you're around there that no one sees you. You don't want anyone to find out you'd been near there. The Death Eaters might still be looking for him, and if you're seen around there, it will be a telltale sign that he's staying there. So please be careful. I know I don't need to tell you, but I feel so helpless here. _

_I hate being here instead of there, Remus. I'm glad Voldemort is gone, but I wish it could have come at a smaller cost. I guess I'm a fool for thinking such things; we all knew defeating him would be no small pain. But you and I, Remus, we've paid the highest price of all. Everyone else may be suffering, but no one else lost everything. The Prewetts lost their sons, but they've still got Molly and Arthur and the kids at least. So many people lost loved ones in this war, my friend. It's impossible for any one person to know the full scope of the loss and pain caused by Voldemort; we can only take some comfort in the fact that he's gone. _

_Why am I so deep lately, Remus? I don't even know the depth of my pain, of my thoughts, and I think that is going to get me into trouble soon. I need to know the truth. The truth about the Potters' deaths, the truth about Sirius, the truth about Kel's death. But it's not going to happen; I know that. And still it keeps me awake at night. How would things have been different if Sirius hadn't ever been their Secret Keeper? If Kel had slept at my house that night like we'd planned? If Sirius had never gone to kill Peter? What ifs keep me awake til 3 am, Remus, and I can't take it anymore. I need some sort of release, some sort of peace. And it's not happening; it's not going to happen. Even when I do sleep, I have nightmares about my what ifs. _

_Once again, I am rambling. I need to catch myself sooner when I start to do that. I look forward to your reply, friend. You've always been the best one to turn to for advice. Maybe I will come visit you sometime._

_Wishing you were here,_

_Mallory_

_

* * *

_

**A/N**_ Hello, hello, I know, this took FOREVER to get up! I'm sorry! Hopefully the next one will be up sooner, but I'm making no promises. Ciao!_


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Girls' Night Out**

McKenna showed up exactly at 5 Saturday night, catching me in the middle of my preparation.

"I'm sorry, I know I'm late," I apologised, "But in my defence, I'm _never_ on time. My fiancé…"

I trailed off. I hadn't meant to bring up Sirius at all, let alone this early in a friendship.

McKenna's eyebrows shot up. "You have a fiancé?"

I shook my head, bending to pick up my purse and mentally berate myself. "Not anymore. He's in prison."

If McKenna had looked surprised before, it was nothing compared to her expression now. "What for? Not that it's any of my business…sorry. I don't mean to pry."

I shook my head. "I don't know. He wasn't given a trial, and the newspaper never said what he was charged with. Just that he was imprisoned. But I don't want to talk about it."

McKenna dropped the subject, and began prattling aimlessly on about something that I didn't really pay attention to. Whether she would tell anyone about Sirius was debatable, but for the time she seemed to understand that I didn't want to talk about it, and I appreciated it.

"So, where exactly are we going?" I asked as we left the flat.

McKenna's eyes sparkled teasingly. "It's a secret," she replied.

I shrugged, following her further down the street. If she didn't want to tell, that was fine, I'd find out soon enough. And I was keeping too many of my own secrets to press her for this trivial one.

Eventually we came to a busy intersection, and McKenna gave me a mischievous grin.

"Feel like a little excitement?"

I shrugged. I was always up for an adventure. "Sure, why not?"

"Ok. Grab my hand."

I did so, raising an enquiring eyebrow at her, but before I could ask, she spun on the spot, taking me along in Side-Along Apparition, leaving me gasping for breath when we arrived at our destination.

"McKenna! Do you know how illegal that was?" I gasped.

McKenna's eyes twinkled. "You think I care?"

I shook my head. "That was awesome. Reminds me of when I was at school…"

McKenna didn't ask me to elaborate, and I didn't volunteer further information; we merely walked on in comfortable silence until we reached a small café.

"Hm. _Le Petite Café_," I read. "How original."

McKenna smiled. "But their food is _fantastic_!"

"Alright, well, whatever you say, McKenna," I said. "Can we go inside; it's kinda cold out here."

"Right. Inside it is."

We entered the small café, and I was stunned to see the group of women McKenna was leading me toward. Genviève, Gabby and Leandra from my squad were there, along with two other women I didn't recognise.

"You're late, Kenny," one of them said, giving McKenna a mock stern look.

"Yes, yes, I know," McKenna replied, motioning for Gabby to move over and sitting beside her, patting the remaining seat for me to sit. "Everyone, this is Mallory Boulanger. Mallory, I think you already know Gen, Gabby and Leandra, but this is Vivian Duchesne," the woman who had spoken smiled at me, "and Avalon McCloy." Avalon was a small, red-haired woman who looked like she could enjoy getting into just as much trouble as I had in my schooldays with Kel.

"Nice to meet you," I said, nodding to my two new acquaintances.

"You too," Vivian said, showing perfectly straight teeth when she smiled.

"So, what did everyone order tonight?" McKenna asked, picking up a menu, and putting it back on the table almost immediately.

"Usual," Avalon replied.

"Hm," McKenna said thoughtfully. "I dunno. I think I'll try something different tonight."

Genviève feigned shock. "I think I might faint. McKenna Carmichael, ordering something different?"

McKenna stuck her tongue out at Genviève. "Very funny, Gen."

Avalon shot me a look that said "my gosh, why do I hang out with these people?".

McKenna shot Avalon a glare, which Avalon returned with a grin.

During the next hours, I chatted with McKenna and her friends as if I'd known them my whole life, and I actually had a good time for the first time since my friends had died, although my smile still hadn't broken through.

McKenna and Avalon took me home at the end of the evening. The café had closed at 8 30, and we had gone to Genviève's for the rest of the evening to play games and talk. No one noticed my lack of emotion, or if they did they didn't mention it.

"Did you have fun, Mallory?" Avalon asked, grinning at me mischievously.

I nodded. "Yes, I had a great time."

"That's good. Just make sure Mack and your squad members don't make you come to all of these. They can get tedious and boring."

I nodded. "Okay then. I'll make sure if they try to make me come I let you know first."

Avalon nodded seriously. "I'd recommend it. If I'm not going to be there, I'll let you know. It's tediously boring without me there, believe me."

I nodded. "Ok. I'll keep that in mind."

McKenna shoved Avalon off the sidewalk. "Shut up, Ava. What do you know? You're not there, so how do you know it's boring."

Avalon gaped at her. "Because I'm not there! And I'm the life of the party!"

McKenna rolled her eyes. "Okay, Ava. Whatever you say."

The two women dropped me at my door, with Avalon calling directions to her house over her shoulder as McKenna dragged her out the door.

Over the course of the evening I had decided that I liked Avalon quite a lot. She reminded me more of Sara than Kel, but brought memories of both of them to mind.

I noticed the open window over my kitchen table immediately when I entered the flat. My auror training certainly came in handy at such times. Knowing I had taken my potion in the morning, I grasped my wand and made my way slowly to the kitchen. I sighed with relief when I saw that it was only Ryker, perched on the back of my chair and beside him there was a letter addressed in Remus' hand. I tore it open eagerly.

_My dear Mallory,_

_It is with great regret that I write this letter. You are in very great danger, my dear friend. Lucius has somehow figured out that you are in France, and he means to go there as soon as he can get away to find you. You should be thankful that your nephew is such a handful; I think he will keep Lucius busy for a while. Narcissa won't let him out of the house when Draco is fussing, and I think Lucius is starting to get fed up with her and beginning to wish he had married one of the older Black sisters. Hopefully that got a laugh out of you, dear one. At any rate, I should get going. I'm moving, by the way. Did I tell you that? Yeah, the Death Eaters found me here, and they've bought the land. They're evicting me; I think they hope I'll lead them to you. But I'm too clever for them. Just because I'm a werewolf doesn't mean I have to be stupid. Although I can pretend with great ability._

_Anyway, I just wanted to let you know to keep a lookout for Lucius, I hope I didn't depress you too much._

_Love_

_Remus

* * *

**A/N:**__ Hey all, I know this has taken WAY too long to get up, I'll try not to get writer's block again too soon. Anyway, there you go! Hope you enjoyed!_


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N:**_ Okay, here's chapter 6. As most of you know (or, if you've forgotten, here's a reminder), Khyana is currently in France. Near the end of this chapter, there is some dialogue between Yana and Alex in French. For those of you who don't speak French fluently (like me; I used a translation site, so if you do speak fluent French, I apologise if there are grammatical mistakes), there are footnotes at the bottom of the chapter for you. The big numbers mean the passage is noted at the bottom (the little footnote numbers don't work on this site). Happy reading!_**

* * *

**

**Chapter 6: Plotting for Survival**

I woke up in the morning from my nightmare in a cold sweat, struggling to hold in my screams. As hard as I tried, I couldn't get past my emotionless upbringing, and screaming was not something Malfoys did.

I went through my morning routine in a daze, struggling to stay conscious. Lucius knew where I was, and he was going to come find me. As soon as his wife let him out of the house. As loath as I was to admit it, I was going to need some help with this one. I didn't trust anyone in France enough to let them in on the secret, but I knew I would have to get past my qualms and trust at least Alex, and probably McKenna, Gen, Leandra and Gabby as well. I might add Avalon to the list, just for the heck of it, because I sensed that even though she wasn't an auror, she was intelligent and might have some ideas.

When I got to work, I wasted no time with niceties at the front desk, and was very curt toward Alex's secretary when I got to his office.

"Alex, I have a problem," I said quickly.

He focused his full attention on me. "What can I do for you?"

I took a deep breath. "Someone is looking for me. And if he finds me, he's going to kill me."

Alex looked thoughtful. "How long?"

I shrugged. "As soon as he can get away. If he thinks he has two hours, he'll slip off. It won't take him long, he knows I am here."

"How do you know this?"

"I have friends," I said simply.

Alex seemed to accept my answer, and began tapping his fingers on his desk. "You don't know when he's coming?"

"If I knew that, I wouldn't need any help," I said. I sounded fairly arrogant, I admit.

Alex gave an acquiescing nod of his head. "Understood. So, what do you suggest?"

"I have no idea. The best disguise I have at the moment is my hair. He thinks I'm a blonde."

"He does?"

I nodded. "I grew up blonde. This colour is a potion-gone-wrong at school."

Alex concealed his snort behind a cough, and managed to bite enough of his lip that he covered up his smile.

"Yes, yes, it's hilarious, Alex," I snapped, colouring. "The potion was made perfectly. Believe me. There are some things you don't know about me, believe it or not."

"Oh, I believe it alright," he muttered, looking at his desk.

"I heard that. What are we going to do about Lucius?" I sniped.

"Lucius?" Alex's head snapped up. "Lucius Malfoy? He's the one looking for you?"

I swore under my breath. I hadn't meant to bring that up. "Yes. Now, what are we going to do about him? As soon as his wife lets him leave the house, he's going to come here. And we need a plan."

"You have to tell your squad."

I shook my head. "Not a chance, Alex. I don't trust them."

"Well then, what would you suggest?"

I shrugged. "The only people on my squad I sort of trust would be Gabby, Gen and Leandra."

"Good. Tell them. Is your alias compromised?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"Then from now on, until we catch this creep, you are Claire Renaud, graduate of Beauxbatons. Genviève is your sister, Gabby and Leandra are your cousins, and I am your husband. You speak only French. The only time you have ever been out of France was when we went on our honeymoon. You cannot be seen with McKenna, because she speaks only English. Vivian Duchesne is your new best friend. You are to keep a low profile. Stay in your cubicle, unless otherwise instructed, and you will be taking up residence in my guest bedroom. You will start taking a potion to alter your voice. It is a pity you aren't a metamorphmagus, but I don't want to risk any other potions, in case one of them changes your hair back to blonde. You are not to leave the Ministry unless you are accompanied by either myself, Gen, Gabby, Leandra or Vivian. Do you understand?"

I was fuming. "You make me sound like I can't take care of myself, Alex."

He stood up, glaring daggers at me. "_You_ asked _me_ for help, Mlle Boulanger. This is the way we protect people here in France. I have no doubt they do the same in England. I fully believe that you are capable of looking after yourself. These precautions are so that we don't need to put your ability to the test. The extra people are not to make you feel like a child; they are so if you are waylaid or in need of assistance and unable to request it, you have a back up. I will have McKenna print off new documents for you immediately. If I hear that you have resisted these precautions in any way, I will be _most_ displeased, Mallory." His voice softened. "I only want you to be safe. You are a valuable asset to our Ministry, and a good person. I don't want you to go before your time."

Those words softened my anger. Maybe if Kel had had these precautions…no. I wouldn't think of that. Kel was a good auror; she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. And she made the wrong friends: Us.

* * *

For the next weeks, I became Claire Renaud. It wasn't hard to speak only French, although at times it was awkward. And whenever I said the wrong thing, it made me angrier than it normally would. Lucius didn't speak French, but I had no doubt that he had contacts that did, and if I slipped up even once, he wouldn't believe my guise, and I would be dead. I kept Alex awake 'til all hours every night, practising. He began to have to call in my "relatives" for help. After that, he, Gen, Gabby and Leandra took shifts to help me with my French.

People at work, though unaware of the specifics (even Gen, Gabby and Leandra were not entirely sure of the danger I was in), knew that I was "undercover", and began calling me Claire and speaking to me in French. It wasn't hard to get used to answering to Claire. It was the same as getting used to Mallory. Even Alsatia and the other members of my squad became helpful. They began to speak to each other in civilised manners, even when they didn't have to; they became friends.

I spoke to Alex about this several times during our French sessions.

"Ils commencent à se fier,1" I said thoughtfully, remembering always not to speak in English.

"Oui, j'ai remarqué. Si une bonne chose vient de cette expérience, Claire, peut-être ce sera que votre escouade commencera finalement à se fier,2" he replied.

I nodded. "Peut-être. Mais cela sera la seule bonne chose à venir de cette situation.3"

* * *

In keeping with tradition, I began my newest letter to Remus as soon as Alex and my girlfriends declared that I no longer needed my nightly French lessons.

_Dearest friend,_

_My life has been so busy since your last letter that I have decided to write you tonight to assure you that I still live. I am still alive, and have been preparing myself for the attack you have notified me about. I certainly appreciate you informing me of this attack, and I have taken certain measures to ensure my safety when it comes. Included in these measures is the declaration that I am not to send any letters to anyone. Including you. However, I won't tell if you don't._

_I am so lost here, dear. (I dare not use your name for fear that someone intercepts this letter and learns of our correspondence. In the same fashion, I will not sign the letter, nor will I address the envelope. You should do the same, at least until I tell you that it is safe to resume doing so.) Everyone around here knows that I am in danger, and they all treat me like I am. It is fairly unnerving. However, I must end this letter now, as much as I don't want to, before I tell you something very important that no one is supposed to know. _

* * *

_Alex frowned at his friend across the table. "Are you sure?"_

_Jean-Michel nodded sadly. "I'm afraid so."_

"_Huh."_

"_You really love her that much?" Jean-Michel asked, changing the topic._

_Alex nodded. "I don't even really know her. She's such a mystery, and she won't let anyone close. But I love her anyway."_

_Jean-Michel smiled. "Well, Mlle Boulanger doesn't know what she's got coming then…"

* * *

_

1 "They're starting to trust each other."

2 "Yes, I've noticed. If one good thing comes from this experience, Claire, maybe it will be that your squad will finally begin to trust each other."

3 "Maybe. But that will be the only good thing to come of this situation."


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: An Unwelcome Visitor**

It wasn't until about July that anything came of the letter I'd received from Remus in early June. While walking into work one day, I caught sight of a shock of long, blonde hair tied back with a black ribbon. My heart skipped a beat, and I hurried to the left to get a better view of the man. My heart nearly thudded out of my chest when I recognised him. It was, indeed, my older brother come to find me.

I quickly apparated into the Ministry, not bothering with the front door anymore, since I knew he was there. Alex looked up from his desk, surprised to see me.

"Claire. What a pleasant surprise. What can I do for you?"

"He's here," I whispered, trembling.

His face immediately became sober. "Right. Go to your cubicle, and stay there until I say it is safe to come out."

I nodded, and the two of us made our way in the same direction together; he was headed to the front desk, and I to my cubicle. Which, admittedly, were not far from each other, certainly not far enough that I felt safe being stuck in my cubicle.

"Claire, Alsatia wanted me to give you these papers," Gen said, coming to my cubicle. "What's wrong?"

"He's here," I replied.

"Where?"

"At the front desk, talking with Alex."

Gen looked sober. "I'll tell the others. Don't worry, Claire, we're not going to let anything happen."

I nodded, bending over my desk to begin the reports from Alsatia.

* * *

An hour later, Alex came to my cubicle to tell me he had successfully gotten rid of my brother.

"Will he come back?"

"I doubt it."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Alex."

Alex smiled. "Not a problem, _dear_. That's what good husbands do."

I nodded. "I appreciate it, Alex. Really, I do."

Alex nodded. "I know."

* * *

The next morning, both Alex and I received a huge shock. We walked into the Ministry together, and found Lucius standing at the front desk. I tried to hurry on my way, but he noticed me, his eyes widening.

"Khyana!"

I kept walking, knowing that I was supposed to be Claire, not Khyana, and I wasn't supposed to know who Khyana was.

"M Renaud, that is my sister! Khyana, stop!"

Alex stopped Lucius somehow, and as I rounded the corner, I could hear them talking. I stopped for a moment to listen to them.

"M Renaud, that is my sister Khyana. I'd know her anywhere, even with red hair."

"M Malfoy, that woman is my wife. Her name is Claire Renaud, and she has lived in France her whole life. She doesn't understand a word of English."

"She's faking it. She's my sister, M Renaud, I'm absolutely sure."

"And I, M Malfoy, am quite sure she is _not_. I have known her her entire life. Our parents were close personal friends."

I was astounded. Alex was _good_ at spur of the moment story-making. It was impressive. I stayed to hear a bit more.

"Her sister Genviève also works here, as well as her cousins Leandra and Gabrielle. I can bring them in as witnesses if you like."

I could feel the tension between the two men.

"If you say so, M Renaud. My mistake. I apologise for wasting your time."

Alex rounded the corner a moment later and almost walked right into me.

"Claire!"

I shook my head. "He'll be back, Alex. I know he will."

Alex shook his head. "You're overreacting, Claire. He said he believed me, and he seemed quite sincere."

I gaped. "He's _my_ brother. _I_ know him! He'll be back, Alex, you can count on it."

* * *

I spent that night at Gen's, since Alex had decided it would be better if I stayed at my own home from now on; he really believed that Lucius wouldn't come back. I wasn't so sure, and I pleaded with Gen until she allowed me to stay with her.

"One night only, Mallory," she said firmly.

I nodded. "One night only." After that, I would go to Avalon's, McKenna's, Leandra's, Gabby's or Remus'. I would not go home until Lucius was found.

The night passed without incident, but I was not going to let my guard down. I went back to my flat, to find it totally ransacked. I knew Lucius was behind it, but I couldn't prove it. I waded through the mess; nearly everything I owned was broken. I managed to salvage a few pictures--one was of the Order, before people started going missing, one was of the Potters the day after Lily went home from the hospital, one was of Alice, Frank and Neville on Neville's first birthday, one was of Kelria and Remus, and one was of Sirius and I the day we'd told everyone we were engaged. I ran my hand lovingly over Sirius' face, tears flowing freely. I would have died if I'd lost these pictures.

I went to work, and put the pictures up in my cubicle, where I could look at them everyday. I put the one of Sirius and I right at eye level on the back wall, where I could see it every time I looked up.

Gabby and Gen came by late in the morning.

"Hey, nice pictures, Mallory," Gen said, smiling.

"Thanks."

"Where'd they come from?" Gabby asked.

"My flat. After my brother went through it, these were the only things that weren't broken or ripped."

Both my friends looked alarmed. "Your brother went through your flat?"

I nodded.

"When?"

"Last night."

"Have you told Alex?"

I scoffed at Gabby's suggestion. "Not bloody likely. He'd never believe me."

"I think he would," Gen countered. "You should tell him."

I shook my head. "No one says a word about this to Alex, understood? He'd say I was paranoid, and slough it off. I don't want him to know."

Gen gave me a small smile. "Do you like him, Mallory?"

I looked at her incredulously. "My family is known for their pride, actually. It was the only thing I inherited from them," I answered. "It has nothing to do with my feelings, or lack thereof, for Alex Renaud."

Gen and Gabby exchanged mischievous looks.

"Don't give me that, Gen. I thought you didn't do things like this."

"I don't, when it's about someone _I_ like. But when my friends like someone, I'm totally on board."

"Well, I don't like Alex, so you'll just have to find someone else. Maybe you could hook him and Gabby up," I suggested, manoeuvring around them to take some papers to Alsatia.

* * *

I took my lunch break after everyone else, wanting some time to myself. Without Alex's protective rules around me, I could pretty much do whatever I wanted, so I decided to take a stroll outside the Ministry. I wouldn't go far, because I knew that Lucius was still out there looking for me. But I didn't think he would come close enough to the Ministry to take me.

As I stepped out into the sunlight, a feeling of warmth swept over me, and I closed my eyes, breathing deeply of the summer air. I remember nothing more…

* * *

**A/N:**_ There you go. The next one should be up soon, and chp 9 is already written, so that shouldn't take too long either. Hope you enjoyed it!_

_Yana_


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Unfamiliar Familiarity**

"_It's Lupin, right?"_

_The brown-haired boy looked up from the library table and his textbooks, very surprised to see the blonde girl in green robes greeting him so politely._

"_Yes. Remus Lupin."_

"_That's right. I'm Khyana. But you probably already knew that," she added, though not arrogantly. "I was wondering if you could do me a favour."_

"_That depends. What kind of favour?"_

_The girl looked sheepish. "I need some help with the potions essay."_

_He looked surprised. "Why ask me?"_

"_Because you're the only one I know of who's any good at potions who would consider helping me."_

"_Why do you need help? You seem to be the one always giving help to your housemates. Hey, why not ask one of them?"_

"_Cause everyone in my dorm is _terrible_ at potions! And I'm the worst of the lot."_

"_I have a hard time believing that."_

"_Believe it, Lupin. It's true."_

"_What about Snape?"_

_Khyana wrinkled her nose. "Gross. I don't want my potions essay covered in grease when I hand it in, Lupin."_

_Remus smothered a smile. _

"_So, will you help me?"_

"_Of course he won't."_

_The voice came from behind her, and her face immediately paled even more than usual with anger._

"_I wasn't asking _you_, Black."_

"_Why would he want to help Slytherin scum like you?" Potter chimed in._

_Khyana felt blocked in, cornered; she became even angrier. _

"_Scared, Malfoy?"_

"_You wish."_

"_Well, you're in no-man's-land now, Malfoy, and we outnumber you," Potter said, smiling evilly. "How do we deal with Slytherin scum, boys?"_

"_I'll help her."_

_All four turned to look at him. _

"_You will?" Peter asked, stunned._

"_You will?" Khyana asked, just as surprised._

_Remus nodded. "Have a seat, Miss Malfoy. I have all the books right here…"_

* * *

I woke with a start, sweating. The dream had been of the first time I'd spoken to Remus, and it was a pleasant memory. From Remus, I had become friends with Lily and Alice, and ultimately, with Sirius as well. I had even dated Remus for a while in our fifth year. We really were the best of friends.

I looked around the room I was in. I didn't remember getting here…the last thing I remembered was stepping out of the Ministry. So what had happened…?

I stood to begin inspecting the room, only to find that I couldn't stand without getting dizzy.

I sat back on the floor and looked around the room again from there. It appeared to be made completely of stone, and I wondered vaguely if I was in a dungeon…

Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. Lucius had found me and captured me. It was the only logical answer. So I was in a dungeon somewhere, and Lucius had me captive. So he hadn't believed Alex, and I was right.

I began thinking very hard. Although Lucius clearly hadn't bought the lie about me being married to Alex, I would try to use it again. I began speaking aloud in French, saying whatever came to my head. If this didn't work, I was out of ideas.

* * *

I must have fallen back asleep, because when I opened my eyes again, I was in a brightly lit room that looked vaguely familiar. I sat up, rubbing my head.

"Où je suis?" I asked aloud.

"You are at the Lestrange Mansion in the north of England," a cold voice replied.

I looked around groggily. I didn't recognise the voice that spoke, and knew it could be Lucius because my brother didn't understand a word of French.

"Qui est vous?" I asked, struggling to stay focused. I was so tired…

"Who I am is not important. What _is_ important is who _you_ are."

"Je m'appelle Claire Renaud."

The voice laughed mirthlessly. "You can give up on that little charade, Miss Malfoy. Everyone here knows who you really are."

I couldn't figure out where the voice was coming from, or who was speaking. The voice was starting to sound somewhat familiar…

"Je m'appelle Claire Renaud," I repeated.

There was no laugh this time. "Miss Malfoy, I do not have time for these games. If you were really who you claim to be, you would not have told me your name when I asked who you were, because Claire Renaud, according to Alex Renaud, doesn't understand any English."

I realised then the trap that had been set for me, and swore quietly under my breath.

"Yes, you realise the trap we set for you, Miss Malfoy, and you walked right into it. I thought you were supposed to be a good auror…?"

I suddenly realised who I was speaking with.

"I suppose you think you're clever, don't you, Ansel?"

There was silence.

"What? You didn't think I'd figure out who you are? It might have been a long time, but my memory isn't _that_ terrible."

Laurent Ansel said nothing. I allowed myself a smirk of satisfaction. I was proud of myself for figuring it out. I hadn't seen or heard anything of Ansel since before I had left home, but before then his had been a prominent pure-blood family. My parents even tried to get us engaged before I ran away. That was at my 15th birthday party…

"Were you not supposed to let me figure it out? Is Lucius going to kill you now?"

"No, Mlle. Malfoy. He is going to kill _you_."

* * *

I was taken back to the dark stone room. I had remembered why I remembered it; it had been Rodolphus' room when we were children. When I was very young, I remember tagging along with the older boys, in awe of my brother and his friends. I had managed to get a good view of the room several times before Lucius picked me up with a laugh and put me down in the hall, telling me to go find Andi and Cissy.

I waited alone, pacing around the room, waiting for my brother to show up. When he came to visit, maybe I would remind him that he used to love me, used to dote on me. I would remind him that we used to be friends.

I don't know how long I was in the room alone, waiting for Lucius to show up so I could talk to him. Eventually, I sat in a meditative position on the floor, thinking about what I was going to say to Lucius when he came in.

I heard the door open behind me, but I ignored it. I remained on the floor, my eyes closed, my legs crossed.

"So, you figured out who Ansel was."

"Obviously. Did you forget, Mother tried to get me to marry him when I was 15."

"I did forget."

"Obviously."

I could feel Lucius' anger even without looking at him.

"When I was 15 you would never have forgotten that," I said quietly. "When I was 15, you tried to kill Ansel for even looking at me."

"That was a long time ago," Lucius replied with forced restraint.

I bobbed my head to one side. "It wasn't that long ago, Lucius. Something that _was_ a long time ago was the last time I was in this room. I was 7, and you promised you would read me three stories before I went to bed if I would leave you alone with Lestrange and Yaxley. I, of course, agreed, because I knew you would never break your promise. Times have changed."

"Times haven't changed, Khyana. _You_ have changed."

I opened one eye to look at him, then closed it again. "I haven't changed, Lucius. I was never evil, I never liked any of that Dark magic you and Father were always into. It's _you_ who have changed. You used to dote on me. You used to love me. Do you remember the Christmas I was 7, and Bella led the younger girls on an excursion to the dungeons at our house while everyone was upstairs? You found us over an hour later, and I was absolutely terrified. I hated the dark. That's why I always made you sleep on the floor in my room. And you always did. Until I was 10 you slept on my floor. And when I was 7, you yelled at Bella for leaving me alone in the dark."

"I did not yell at Bella," Lucius countered.

"Well, you were plenty angry with her. You can't deny it; she told me about it the next day. She blamed Andi for telling you that she'd led the excursion. But I knew you were only angry because she made me scared."

"I wasn't."

"Yes, you were. Come on, Lucius. You can't tell me you don't remember that talk we had the summer before I went to Hogwarts? I was so scared about going, because you weren't going to be there with me. What did you tell me?"

"I don't remember."

I opened my eyes to glare at him. "Yes you do. You can't erase the past by trying to forget it. You told me I didn't need to worry, because I would make lots of friends, and when I came home for the summer I'd get to spend two whole months with you and I could tell you all about my time at Hogwarts and you would be _so_ jealous because you wished you were back there…you remember, Lucius. Just because we're not friends anymore doesn't mean we can't remember the times when we were."

"Yes, it does," Lucius said coldly, glaring at me. "I never should have treated you the way I did. It was improper."

My jaw dropped. "Well, where else was I supposed to get love and affection?"

"I turned out just fine without them."

"If you classify "murderer" as "just fine", then yes, I suppose you did. But really, Lucius, it's perfectly okay to love your siblings. And you love Draco, don't you?"

Lucius shrugged. "That is a very different situation."

"How so? You are ten years older than me; you were never really my brother, and more of a doting uncle. And it's not a bad thing, Lucius."

"Ansel!'

"Oh come _on_!" I breathed a huge sigh. "You can't handle a conversation with your baby sister so you call _Ansel_? Good decision, Big Brother."

"I am _not_ your brother. Understand?" Lucius' face was so close to me I could smell his breath.

"Well, technically, you are…"

Lucius picked me up by the collar of my robes, causing me to choke and turn purple.

"I am _not_ your brother. _Never_ address me as such again, understand? I should have killed you years ago."

"Yes, you should have," I gasped in agreement when he dropped me. "Then you wouldn't have to deal with me now."

I made a sudden movement while he was looking at Ansel, who had just arrived, and was too quick for him. I pulled his wand out of its holder, and held onto it triumphantly.

"How'd you like that, Big Brother?" I cooed. "Now you won't have to worry about me anymore."

Before either man could move, I pointed the wand at my head and cried "_Avada Kedavra_!"

It was the strangest sensation I had ever experienced. My spirit left my body, which lay spread-eagled on the floor of Rodolphus' old bedroom. I didn't want to think about what Lucius would do with it.

When I was off the grounds of the Lestrange Mansion, I realised I could control where my spirit was drifting. I floated over all of England, across the ocean to mainland Europe, and arrived safely in France three hours later. I thought for a moment about who would be able to help me. The answer was obvious, and I arrived at Alex's five minutes later.

I realised very quickly that I couldn't get his attention by ringing the doorbell or knocking on the door; my spiritual self went right through them. I heaved a sigh of annoyance, and began to scream. Lights came on all the way up the street, including the ones in Alex's bedroom. I plastered myself to Alex's door so his neighbours who were all opening their doors wouldn't see me.

When he finally opened the door, he looked at me incredulously and I floated inside.

"Mallory?"

I nodded. "Can you fix this?"

With a wave of his wand, Alex formed my body back, and I sat on his couch, looking wary.

"What did you do?"

I shrugged. "I'm not sure, actually. My brother got me, and I had to escape somehow."

Alex laughed and shook his head. "You're incredible, Mallory Boulanger, you know that?"

I nodded. "I know. Hey, thanks for getting my body back."

He shrugged. "Not a problem, happy to help."

I stood. "Well, I should be going."

"Wait, Mallory…"

"Yes?"

"There's been something I've been wanting to tell you for a while."

I raised an eyebrow. "Ok."

"I was wondering if maybe…if maybe you'd like to…go out to dinner with me on Friday?"

I was stunned. "Um…"

"You don't have to give me an answer right away," he said quickly. "But I think you should know…I think I'm in love with you."

I gaped at him. "You can't be in love with me, Alex," I replied.

"Why not?"

"Because you don't even know me."

"I do."

I shook my head. "I have to go. I'll get back to you about Friday."

I left the house and quickly turned on the spot, apparating away.

* * *

**A/N:**_ There you go. It's nice and long for you, and so's the next one. So I hope you enjoyed, R&R please!_

_Yana_


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Don't Stay Mad**

I apparated to Remus' as soon as I was out of Alex's company.

"Yana! Hey, what's going on?" Remus looked thrilled to see me. He looked even more ill than he usually did, and I frowned, but I said nothing to him about it.

"Alex told me he loved me," I said very quietly.

Remus looked surprised. "I didn't realise the two of you were an item…"

"We're not," I replied, sinking to his couch. "It was totally out of the blue. I got away from Lucius and went to Gen's-"

"Wait, what? You were with Lucius?" Remus asked, incredulous. "You have to tell me that story first."

I sighed. "Fine. Well, he found me at the Ministry, and Alex had set up this whole elaborate scheme to protect me if he came around. So, I went along with it, and he seemed to think it worked, because he took me out of protection. Then Lucius ransacked my flat, all I could salvage was a few pictures. So I took them to work, and told Gabby and Gen about my place being ransacked, but I wouldn't let them tell Alex, because he seemed to think I was being paranoid, and I was too proud to ask for more help. So then I went for lunch, and woke up in a dungeon."

"Where was it?"

"Lestrange Mansion," I replied. "Anyway! So I was in this dungeon, and I realised that Lucius hadn't bought the scheme Alex had cooked up, about me not knowing any English. He sent Laurent Ansel to talk to me-"

"Who?"

"Laurent Ansel. His family is very prominent in the pure-blood world…or, they were until there was a scandal about his older and younger sisters running off with muggles…my parents tried to talk me into marrying him at my 15th birthday party; I'm not likely to forget him any time soon."

Remus smiled. "No, I suppose you're not. Khyana Ansel…hm. No, I don't think I like that."

"Good to know. Anyway. Ansel tricked me, speaking to me in English and getting me to answer, so I finally had to give up. Then Lucius came for a visit…"

"And…?"

"Well, nothing really. We just talked."

"About what?"

I smirked. "I made him _very_ uncomfortable."

"How'd you manage that?"

"I talked about my childhood."

Remus looked puzzled. "And that made him uncomfortable?"

I nodded. "He used to _love_ me, Remus. He doted on me something awful. We were the best of friends."

Remus raised his eyes skeptically. "I don't believe you."

"Well that's ok. I know it's true. Anyway, that made him really uncomfortable, so he called Ansel back in. And then I did something I would _never_ have believed I could do. I didn't know I could do it…I still don't believe that I actually did it."

"What did you do?"

"I killed myself."

"What?!"

"Yeah. Isn't that crazy? I honestly wanted to die. I grabbed Lucius' wand from his little sheath he keeps it in, pointed it at myself, and said _Avada Kedavra_. And I…well, I didn't die because I hadn't taken my potion in a while, so the effects had sort of worn off, so it didn't work properly…"

Remus chuckled. "So, how'd you get out of there?"

"Well, the curse didn't work, but it did put me into like a trance. I floated away from my body, and out of the castle. When I was out of the grounds, I realised that I could control where I floated. So I floated myself back to France, right to Alex's. And he knew the spell to do to get me a body back…so Lucius thinks I'm dead. Isn't that convenient?"

"Yes, I suppose it is that," Remus agreed.

"Yup. And then I stayed at Alex's for a while, and he told me he loved me. And then there was an awkward silence, and I left…"

"And what's so bad about Alex saying he loves you?" Remus asked.

I sighed, looking at my hands in my lap. "It's so soon, Remus. So soon after Sirius…" I gave a mirthless laugh. "But the two of them finally have something in common; they've both protected me from Lucius…or at least tried to."

Remus smiled. "Is that all they have in common, Na?"

I nodded firmly. "Alex is the polar opposite of Sirius in every way. They have nothing in common. And I'm still not used to the strict no-rule-breaking of Alex after Sirius' recklessness."

"Maybe you just need a change," Remus offered, reaching out and taking both my hands in his. "Yana, Sirius is in prison for life. He's never going to get out. Maybe you shouldn't shut Alex off; maybe he's the beginning of a new life for you."

"I don't _want_ a new life!" I exclaimed. "I want Sirius."

"But Sirius is never going to get out, Yana," Remus repeated. "Maybe going out with Alex is a good start to a new life."

I gave him an incredulous look, the tears in my eyes threatening to fall. "I would never forgive myself if they proved Sirius' innocence and I couldn't marry him because I was married to another."

Remus shook his head sadly. "Darling Khyana. After all you've seen, after all the evil you've witnessed, all the injustice, still you are naïve enough to believe that Sirius will be freed? You still believe he is innocent?"

I nodded. "Every night, when I go to sleep, I am haunted by his looks, by his pleading. Do you remember?"

Remus nodded. "Of course I remember. It took all my strength to restrain you that day, Na."

I angrily brushed the tears from my eyes. "He pleaded with me to believe his innocence, Remus, and I couldn't even give him my belief. How can I claim to have loved, and not believe in him in his time of need? He was grieving as much as any of us that day, and I couldn't even give him my belief. What kind of fiancée am I?"

"You were hurting, Khyana. You'd been betrayed, just like the rest of us. It was understandable."

I shook my head. "No, it wasn't." I gave a barking laugh. "I believe him. I really do. I was going to write to him in prison to tell him, but I didn't think he'd get it. So I wrote an ad in the personals section of the _Daily Prophet_, just in case he was reading it. Can't you see, Remus? I'm crazy in love with Sirius. I can't go out with Alex, I can't. I don't love him, Remus."

"Of all people, Khyana, _you_ ought to know that marriage isn't always for love. Alex has done a good job protecting you over the past few months. Maybe that's what you need, someone who can protect you. Your family never married for love."

I glared at him. "And my family traditions somehow dictate what I will do? You should know by now, Remus, I am not like my family at all. If you think I'm going to go out with Alex just because my family has a habit of marrying more for political reasons than you're dead wrong. I've no intention of marrying Alex, or anyone else for that matter."

Remus shook his head. "I never said you should marry Alex. I just said that maybe you should go out with him; it might be a good way to get on with your life. Give thought to what I've said, Khyana. And please don't be angry with me for too long. I've lost too many friends over the years to lose you too."

"Maybe you should have thought of that before you began this conversation," I said in a deadly quiet voice.

* * *

That night, I was once again haunted by memories of my love, memories of the night he was arrested. 

_Everything was confusion. James and Lily had been found dead in their home a few hours later, and Sirius had given up his motorbike to Hagrid, so he could take Harry to Petunia's. The other aurors and Ministry people had shown up and were making inquiries. Sirius was standing in front of the house, looking devasted._

"_Sirius?" _

_I came up beside him and put my hand in his. _

"_I can't believe they're really gone, Yana."_

"_I know," I replied, wrapping him in a big hug. _

_He put his arms around me, and began sobbing into my hair._

"_They're really gone," he sobbed._

_I managed with difficulty to hold in my own tears; I could only handle one blubbering person at a time._

"_I know," I repeated. "I'm so sorry."_

_He suddenly stood up straight. "I'll be back," he said, getting a dangerous look on his face._

"_Sirius? Where are you going?"_

"_I'll be back, Yana, don't worry."_

_I didn't have time to worry; the rest of my auror squad had shown up and were congregating around me for answers._

"_What happened, Yana?"_

"_Is it true that James and Lily are dead?"_

"_Wasn't Sirius their Secret Keeper?"_

"_What's going to happen to Harry?"_

"_What's going on?"_

_The questions came at me from all sides. "Everyone, could you please be quiet?" I said, not bothering to raise my voice._

_No one heard me._

"_SHUT UP!"_

_Everyone's attention was focused on Frank. _

"_Thank you. Now, if you'd all let Khyana get a word in edgewise, maybe she'll give you an answer!"_

_I sniffed. "Yes, they're really dead. Voldemort killed them. Harry has gone to stay with Lily's sister and her family," I answered as many questions as I could without addressing the one about Sirius._

"_Yana!"_

_Remus' cry made me turn. He looked terrified._

"_Yana, Sirius has been arrested!"_

_I ran over to him. _

"_What do you mean, arrested?"_

"_The aurors took him."_

"_On what charges?" I asked, furious._

"_Betraying Lily and James to Voldemort."_

_I paled even more than usual. "Where is he?"_

_Remus led me to where the aurors had set up their station. Three of them were struggling to hold down a straining Sirius._

"_Yana! Yana, tell them I didn't do it," Sirius pleaded, his eyes full of hope._

"_Malfoy."_

_I turned to see Fudge standing before me._

"_Your fiancé is under arrest for the betrayal of Lily and James Potter to Lord Voldemort."_

"_On what evidence?"_

"_He was their Secret Keeper."_

_My heart plunged to my feet. It was true; Sirius _was_ their Secret Keeper._

_I turned back to Sirius, suspicion on my face._

"_He's right, Sirius. You _were_ their Secret Keeper."_

"_No, I wasn't. I mean, I was, but then we switched. Peter was their Secret Keeper!"_

"_He just killed Pettigrew, next street over," Fudge said quietly in my ear. "Him and a bunch of muggles. Blew up the whole street, then stood there laughing at them. He's crazy, Khyana."_

_I gave Sirius a look of incredulity. "Is it true Sirius? You killed Peter?"_

"_You were right never to trust him, Khyana," Sirius said desperately. "He betrayed Lily and James-ouch!"_

"_That's enough, Tudor," I said quietly to the man who had just kneed Sirius in the stomach when he began to struggle again. "I want to hear what he has to say."_

"_I didn't do it, Khyana, you have to believe me!" Sirius cried, his face contorted in desperation._

"_Get him out of here before he kills someone else. Like his fiancée," Fudge said, stepping around me and gesturing to Tudor and Johns to leave with Sirius._

"_NO! Khyana, you _have_ to believe me! I didn't do it! I didn't do it! No, let me go!"_

_I watched the men drag Sirius away, and made to go after them. Someone grabbed my arm from behind and held me back. _

"_No, Khyana," Remus said quietly. "Let him go. He's a traitor."_

"_Khyana!" Sirius managed to get his captors to stop a few feet further off. "Khyana, I DIDN'T DO IT! You have to believe me! Please, Khyana," he pleaded. "You know I would never do this! It's _James_! Please, Khyana!"_

_The tears filled my eyes, and I strained against Remus' grip, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything. _

_Sirius looked even more desperate. "Khyana? Khyana, you do believe me, don't you? Please, Khyana, say you believe me."_

"_I can't," I whispered. "I love you, Sirius."_

_I stopped straining against Remus as I watched them load Sirius in the back of a black van._

"_No! Khyana!"_

_The tears fell freely down my face. "Goodbye, my love."_

"_KHYANAAAAAA!"_

* * *

I woke with a start. That was the nightmare that haunted my dreams every night. I couldn't say I believed Sirius; I couldn't do it. He went to prison thinking that I thought him a traitor. And at the time, I had. But then I'd thought about it. If Sirius had been a Death Eater, I would have known it. It would have impossible for him to disguise it. I could have done something to stop them taking him away. I could have saved him, and I didn't. 

That was the real reason I didn't want to get involved with Alex. I didn't deserve to be happy, after what I'd done to Sirius. I claimed to love him, and yet I couldn't even trust him. James was his best friend; he would _never_ have betrayed him.

I could have done something…that's the line that played over and over in my head as I fell back asleep.

* * *

**A/N:**_ There you go, a nice long one for you. I hope you appreciate all the work I'm putting into these chapters. I can't believe I'm only on chapter 9 though...A lot has happened. R&R please!_

_Yana_


End file.
